Thursday, January 01, 2015

Eek, I'm nervous...

I think the blog is up and running now (it was hard to figure out my domain, etc.).  I saw that I posted only a few times in 2013 and nothing in 2014.  It feels good to be back, but I am nervous too.  I don't know why.

If you aren't familiar with me then I suggest going back to the beginning of my blog.  I was married and trying to conceive through IVF.  I wanted to blog my experience with infertility and, Praise God, I finally had my miracle baby after six years of fertility treatments.  My whole blog was centered on my journey to have a baby - maybe you remember.  Well, now I have my baby...but my journey took a hard and devastating turn that flipped my world upside down.

The fog of going through the last three years is lifting...makes me want to sing "I can see clearly now the rain is gone"...

These days I shut my eyes and try to let God lead me.  Some days are better than others.  I have isolated myself and truly shut down.  Sometimes, I still feel like I failed this whole test of "Life" because there aren't any do-overs; knowing what I know now, I know my decisions to land where I am were the right ones...the right ones for me and the right ones for D.  As excruciatingly difficult as it was, I still know I made the right decisions for D and me.

I know - it all seems oxymoronic:  the fog lifting but still struggling?  I don't have an intelligent answer for is what it is...maybe that's just fog lifting situation to another struggling situation, etc.

I want to blog about what I have learned and connect with people who have gone through the same thing or are going through the same things.   I know that camaraderie under similar circumstances is empowering.  I also want to share some D'isms.  My little guy is genuinely one of a kind and I am so blessed to have the little stinker.

Well, here goes - I'm about to announce on FB of my blog resurrection.  Eeek!


KYoung said...

So excited your back :) can't believe we met over 4yrs ago through your blog. Wow how time flies and changes.

AY said...