Tuesday, January 06, 2015

decisions decisions

I am not the best decision maker - let me repeat - I do not like making decisions (especially big ones).  I even hate the "where do you want to eat" ones.

I'm just gathering my footing to have opportunities to actually have to make decisions and I now know I wish I was back in the womb.  I just like clear cut answers.  I like answers that make sense and that pays the bills and makes everyone happy (me included) and gives me peace and just works out like everything "Should".  Not to mention, I have to make these decisions alone.  I do not have someone vested in me that could help me "make" the right ones.  Pity party table for one!  Pity party table for one!

I'm not really wanting a "person" to help - I just want God to write it on the wall...which I know not to count on.  I just want to be at peace with my decisions and not regret a one of them.  I came across a poem from Helen Steiner Rice "The Poems & Prayers of Helen Steiner Rice"...

In hours of Discouragement
God is our Encouragement:

Sometimes we feel uncertain
   and unsure of everything-
Afraid to make decisions,
   dreading what the day will bring.
We keep wishing it were possible
   to dispel all fear and doubt
And to understand more readily
   just what life is all about.
God has given us the answers,
   which too often go unheeded
But if we search His promises
   we'll find everything that's needed
To lift our faltering spirits
   and renew our courage, too,
For there's absolutely nothing
   too much for God to do...
For the Lord is our salvation
   and our strength in every fight
Our redeemer and protector,
   our eternal guiding light.
He has promised to sustain us,
   He's our refuge from all harms,
And underneath this refuge
   are the everlasting arms...
So cast your burden on Him,
   seek His counsel when distressed,
And go to Him for comfort
   when you're lonely and oppressed...
For in God is our encouragement
   in trouble and in trials
And in suffering and in sorrow
   He will turn our tears to smiles.

There is such a fine line between knowing it is God and wondering if it is your flesh.  I'm a supernatural kinda girl.  I want the burning bush, the parting of the red sea, the water into wine, the paralytic walking - Guess I'm a doubting Thomas in a way - or a Procrastinating Thomas - I just want the answer written in front of me.  Anybody like me?

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