Tuesday, April 17, 2012

What's there to say?

*sorry, don't judge, I didn't proofread - my nyquil is taking its toll.

I think about the blog often.  I think about how amazing it was (for me) to write down my infertility journey to just serve as a therapeutic relief for my own sanity.  I wanted to remember every piece of that journey and while I wrote with the hopes of having the outcome that I do now (having D)...I He ALSO had the noble intent of being "OK" and "satisfied" if I did not have D.   I can't honestly say that I would ever be OK with that outcome.  I feel it would be a daily struggle and crushing heartbreak.  In fact, I know it would be too devastating for me.

Today I am about three weeks shy of being separated from D's dad for an entire year.  This year has been the longest in my life.  My new norm has become more "routine" for me.  It is so very difficult still, though.  I am doing well and I do know the decisions I made last year were the right ones. 

D is doing great.  He is just growing and capturing my heart more each day - if that is even possible!  He is 17.5 months old and is ALL BOY! 

He LOVES tractors.  He eats, lives and breathes tractors.  My dad has a little John Deere tractor that has an enclosed cab with air, etc.  My mom, dad and myself take turns riding him around the fields and roads behind our house.  He wakes up saying tractor, we walk outside and he says tractor...he LOVES tractors!

He loves cars and trucks and little dump trucks.  I don't know who tells boys that cars and trucks go  "varoom varoom" but he pushes them all over the living room and makes car and truck noises.  Sweet boy.

D is INSANE about music.  We watch the heck out of Disney channel and he claps for all the music/dancing shows (Shake it Up, Good Luck Charlie, Phineas & Ferb, Mickey Mouse Clubhouse, Chuggington, Third & Bird).  The fairy promos totally catch his eye - I don't know if it is the light and airy music that makes him stop and watch?  But he is glued to the TV when those promos come on.

Monsters Inc is a STAPLE.  I have that in my car for him to watch.  He refuses any other movie I put in.  He wants "Kitty" and "Boo" and NOTHING else!  He giggles and watches that movie over and over and over and over and, oh, did I say over, again.  Sweet boy!

He is obsessed with shoes! Boots, tennis shoes, sandals, crocks, water shoes, my shoes, dad's shoes, nanas shoes, Uncle Marc's shoes...ANY shoes. LOL, I keep about three pair in his diaper bag.  Sigh :-)

D has learned a bit of sign language too - He has learned "more" and "all finished".  I love it!  He can truly communicate with me!  At first, I'll be honest, when friends would say they are teaching their kids sign language...I was like ??? why?  But, I truly think it is amazing now (I know, it is probably because he is my brilliant little kid...just kidding).

It is amazing how quickly he learns and how much he understands.  A few weeks ago, I started the long process of taking away the pacy.  There were changes in his routine in January and for a safety net, I assume he started wanting his pacy ALL THE TIME.  His teeth began moving a bit so I did not want him to keep sucking on it.  He also quit talking all the time because he had that thing in his mouth all the time.  Anyway, I started the process and would only let him have it if we were laying down on the bed for nap time.  The next day (probably 12 hours in the process), he was trying to get off the bed with his pacy after a nap or something and I told him he couldn't unless he gave mommy his pacy.  He looked at me for a minute and looked at his pacy and took it out and put the pacy in MY MOUTH!  I laughed and laughed in amazement!  NOW, he just takes out his pacy and puts it in my hand like OK, this is my key to get off the bed!  Smart kid!  LOL. 

There are so many things that I have wanted to write down with D because I never ever want to forget.  I want him to know how much I love him and would do anything and everything I could to help him succeed and keep him safe. 

Thank you Lord for entrusting this little guy into my care even in the circumstances.  I love him so much and will raise him knowing You.  Lord, I love you and you have given me the greatest gift of all...D.


Jenny Lantz said...

I think journal is a good way to get your thoughts out on paper and lessen their impact inside you
Another thing is to write: 'I am grateful for (or that) ... ' once a day or 2 to 3 times a week. They can be short but sometimes you'll just find yourself really writing something out in great, creative detail. You seem to have a great ability to laugh. One more thing is exercise, that helps me a lot. Just keep going with a sustained disciplined effort

Brenda pPennington said...

Lisa, I don't know how you do it... You are a great Mom and D loves you very much.. I love your pic of him.. God will be with you every step of the way, just has He has been there everyday of your past.. Don't take a step without Him!!