You go through life in a zone and you don't realize the "zone" until you are out of it?
You go through a time in your life that is so much fun. I remember going through a time where a group of friends and I would hang out every weekend and we would laugh and goof and do fun crazy things and I never really thought about that "time" until it was over. Paradise was lost.
I also have daydreamed about how my life would be at this point and time in my life. Happily married with kiddos...the option to work or not to work...me being a teeny tiny size 2 (ok, I'm stretching it). But, in my mind's eye I NEVER would have daydreamed my life as I know it. I am going on five months of separation and there has not been any hope of reconciliation...effort is a better word. I'm at a cross road.
My heart breaks at the thought of divorce, but I see no other option. D will be a statistic and THAT breaks my heart. I wanted D to see his mom and dad wake up together to love each other to walk behind him holding hands...but now he sees dad a few times a week and he never sees us together besides playing with him.
Dreams are crushed and my heart truly aches. I know what is right and what is wrong and I have to go with what I feel is right for me and for D. Nothing else matters except that little boy and his well being.
I have decided to put my big girl panties on and start working on what's best for us. I am trying out a new church tomorrow and I pray that it is all that I hope it will be. I have heard some great things about it and it has been on my heart to visit for almost three months...so I guess it is time.
I need to post some pictures of D. He is getting so big. He is saying so many new things "Uh Oh" and "Pa-Pa-Pa"...getting close to Paw-Paw...that will be fun. He says Bye Bye but he doesn't quite get what the meaning is. Anyway, little man is asleep so I am going to take advantage of it and get some rest myself!!!
Pray for me as I try this new church out - Pray it is exactly what I need and what D needs to start this new chapter in our lives.