Saturday, September 17, 2011

How life has changed...

You go through life in a zone and you don't realize the "zone" until you are out of it?

You go through a time in your life that is so much fun.  I remember going through a time where a group of friends and I would hang out every weekend and we would laugh and goof and do fun crazy things and I never really thought about that "time" until it was over.  Paradise was lost.

I also have daydreamed about how my life would be at this point and time in my life.  Happily married with kiddos...the option to work or not to work...me being a teeny tiny size 2 (ok, I'm stretching it).  But, in my mind's eye I NEVER would have daydreamed my life as I know it.  I am going on five months of separation and there has not been any hope of reconciliation...effort is a better word.  I'm at a cross road.

My heart breaks at the thought of divorce, but I see no other option.  D will be a statistic and THAT breaks my heart.  I wanted D to see his mom and dad wake up together to love each other to walk behind him holding hands...but now he sees dad a few times a week and he never sees us together besides playing with him.

Dreams are crushed and my heart truly aches.  I know what is right and what is wrong and I have to go with what I feel is right for me and for D.  Nothing else matters except that little boy and his well being.

I have decided to put my big girl panties on and start working on what's best for us.  I am trying out a new church tomorrow and I pray that it is all that I hope it will be.  I have heard some great things about it and it has been on my heart to visit for almost three months...so I guess it is time. 

I need to post some pictures of D.  He is getting so big.  He is saying so many new things "Uh Oh" and "Pa-Pa-Pa"...getting close to Paw-Paw...that will be fun.  He says Bye Bye but he doesn't quite get what the meaning is.  Anyway, little man is asleep so I am going to take advantage of it and get some rest myself!!!

Pray for me as I try this new church out - Pray it is exactly what I need and what D needs to start this new chapter in our lives.

2 comments:

Sean and Lendy said...

Praying for your heart, friend.

Just Jiff said...

Praying everything works out for you soon.