Despite the brutal throwing up last night and today being viciously nauseated, today was all in all amazing. I have felt like poo all day and my nerves have been shot because, well, they just are and they have earned that right.
I had sonic onion rings last night and they didn't sit well on the ol' tummy. Poor Matt, I violently threw those up last night. I asked him if he wanted me to go across the house to the other bathroom and he said no. He brought me a wash cloth. He feels bad because that is all he can really do... :-(
So, today I have had little energy and haven't been able to really stomach much food today...my appointment was at 3:50 and I was just on the verge of tears. Jenny, Dr. S's nurse, asked me twice if anything was wrong. I said nothing but just being sick. She didn't remember that I was just coming in for my own sanity and peace of mind. After I reminded her she assured me that that was quite alright and we will do whatever we needed to do. I have lost 2 lbs since the last visit. So, I still haven't gained.
Anyway, Dr. S came in and he asked me how I was feeling and I told him that I felt pretty bad but I understand that that is part of pregnancy. He told me that unfortunately that being really sick was a good sign because that meant all of my hormones were raging where they needed to be. He immediately found the heartbeat as soon as he put the wand on my belly. It is just a beautiful sound. The most amazing sound that I have ever experienced. I am sure "THE" most beautiful sound will change to hearing the baby cry the first time...to hearing the baby laugh...to hearing the baby say "momma". But, right now...that heartbeat is my sanity. He said the heartbeat was strong and solid and there were no skips or abnormalities that he could hear. YAY!
We chatted about a few other things...food, possible low blood sugar, a pain in my right ovary, etc. I told him that I felt that infertility and the miscarriage really put a damper on my excitement and sort of scarred me. With this pregnancy it has been pure text book..I shouldn't have a care in the world right now. I should have (from day one) been happy as a lark, but unfortunately, the scars are still there...and some of the wounds are not 100% healed. I brought up the fact that our last baby didn't have much amniotic fluid surrounding he/she and I asked if that was common because I hadn't seen the baby since week 8 and you really couldn't tell much from the ultrasound picture.
He suggested (before I even had to ask or even beg for one) that I go have an ultrasound. I told him that would relieve so many of my fears. I profusely thanked him and was just so grateful.
It was pushing five o'clock at this point and I then profusely thanked the ultrasound tech for fitting me in. It is funny what you observe. This was my first time with an ultrasound on my belly. She turned the screen away from me until she saw all was OK. As soon as she turned the screen back so I could see, she pushed down on the wand and the baby jumped like it had just been scared or we woke him up from a deep sleep! It was amazing to see it moving! To see his little arms and legs...Just amazing. I got a couple of pictures...
Just amazing. I cried like a baby. I checked out and tried to keep it together so I could at least cry in my car. I called Matt and he asked me if I felt better and told me to let it all out on the way home. I laughed and told him I will make sure I let it all out on the way home so you won't have to deal with it when you get home!! LOL...
When I got home Matt just stared at the pictures and was just amazed too.
Dr. S said I could come back in 2, 3, 4 or 5 weeks...my choice. I told him if the ultrasound went well then I could probably wait the regular four weeks...but I will go back at five weeks because that is the day we can find out if it is a boy or girl! In FIVE weeks! June 10th at 2 pm we will go back and find out the sex! I can't believe my next appointment is already at that stage!
God is just so good. You cannot look at that picture or see the baby move inside of you and not believe in a higher power. God is just so amazing to have crafted us so uniquely and beautifully. He gets every bit of the glory and honor. I praise Him everyday for this miracle. I am so thankful I cannot even begin to put into words.