Wednesday, April 21, 2010

Paperwork...

I had to fill out my OB paperwork tonight (since it has been over four years since I have seen my regular OB).  It broke my heart to have to mark miscarriage and D&C.  I should have a three week old baby right now.

I have been very superstitious and I didn't want to fill out my paperwork until the very last minute (thus doing it right now).  As soon as I did my paperwork last time, well, I miscarried, and it just sucked.  So, I just didn't want to do it.

I am very nervous about tomorrow.  I know, I know, I have heard...everything has been perfect and all looks well and you're still throwing up and it is going to be fine and don't worry.  Easier said than done.  Go through a long journey of infertility and miscarriage and heartache and devastation and then YOU try not to worry.  No offense to anyone, but really. 

As you can tell my hormones and emotions are running a little rampant.  I have had a rough past couple of days just with dealing everything.  I have been very transparent throughout this, but to spare A LOT of feelings and not to open cans of worms...well, I am going to pass on blogging about it.  It is just hard to be an infertile person.  I know I am pregnant now and I am THRILLED and BLESSED but the baggage is still there.  Anyway...

Please say a prayer for me tomorrow.  I will post results from my appointment as soon as I can.  Much love to you all.  I appreciate you all for taking the time to read my rantings.  It makes me feels so special and loved to hear from you all.

8 comments:

Elise said...

Sending good thoughts your way! I know it's so hard not to worry. Can't wait to hear more about your appointment!

Erin said...

Here's my turn. Just know that some of us completely understand and are lifting you up.

Anonymous said...

My SIL has told my husband and I on several occassions that "if you've gone through IVF then you just love your child more" and "she loves her child more than we love ours" I'm here to tell ALL that EVERYONE LOVES their child like no other. It's called a Mamma's LOVE and Daddy's LOVE. You're not alone feeling the way you do, you'll do great and be a great Mamma.

Liz said...

don't let those people tell you how to feel, girl. Your feelings are completely valid, no matter your situation now (being pregnant). I think you are 100% normal. I am irritated that people are telling you "don't worry." Don't they know that it's cold to sing songs to a troubled heart?

Just Jiff said...

I always hate when people tell me how to feel. I know they mean well, but when I was pregnant, I was a nervous wreck all the time! I was blessed with a healthy baby, despite being 7 weeks early and having to stay in the hospital nursery for 7 long days. Part of being a parent is the constant worry, whether the baby is inside of you or outside.

*HUGS*

Karla said...

I wonder if you can tell boy/girl at 11 weeks, maybe with an advanced machine? The next big question!!! Yeay for you!

Anonymous said...

You will always have your miscarriage and infertility with you and it's completely normal. I had my baby through IVF and worried constantly while I was pregnant. I just feel like nobody understands unless they have been through it and that will always be the case. I still carry my infertility with me and it's been 8 years. It is hard to let go and be happy, but I promise you will get there once you have that precious baby. I am sending good thoughts and prayers your way for tomorrow!

Sonya said...

Just want you to know I pray for you every time I think about it. And however you feel is the "right" way to feel. You have been through a lot of heartbreak through all this and I can't imagine how I would feel. Just want you to know you have truly been an inspiration to me. Thanks so much for putting your feelings and thoughts out there. I know many people have been blessed through your blog!