I am at lunch right now and I had to just post really quick. Fear took hold of me about an hour ago. I had to talk myself down.
I have heard of two friends who have found out they are pregnant today. One that I wasn't expecting and the other friend, "S" (the one we prayed for with her FET) I was expecting to find out if it was yay or nay. My friend, "A" found out she was not pregnant. This was her sixth IVF. Despair doesn't even begin to describe where she is at. I am heartbroken.
I was reading my friend's blog where she announced she was pregnant (the one I wasn't expecting) and I was so excited and then WHAM the fear hit me. She looks as far along as I am...she said the doc saw the baby move (MINE DIDN'T MOVE)...her ultrasound showed what looked like an outline of a baby...it actually looked like a baby (MINE'S HEAD WAS JUST STARTING TO SHOW). I started panicking. What if this isn't going to work? What if I lose this baby? What if everyone else around me is pregnant and I lose this baby? I wanted to run to the nearest ultrasound machine and just make sure all is OK.
The fear, I guess or I am learning, will probably always be there. I cannot compare my pregnancy with anyone else's. Pregnancies are different just like people look different. I cannot compare. (BTW, my ultrasound looked like it was a week earlier than my friends, so I have to believe that that week of development made all the difference in the world). Sorry, "E", I am better now! I just had a panic attack!
I have a lot to do at work so I need to get back to the grind; however, if you can think, please pray for my mind to be at peace and that the fear that grips so quickly will just stay away.