A weight has been lifted. I didn't have an ultrasound but I did hear the heart beat. I just laid back and cried. Dr. Singleton probably gets it a lot but he just patted my arm and said the heart beat was around 160 bpm and it was very strong.
I didn't know what to expect going in. To say I was nervous was an understatement. I was in new territory. I was in an office with pregnant bellies and new born babies and it just felt different maybe like the weight of the infertility was lifted. At the fertility clinic the waiting room was full of passionate women desperately wanting a baby...so the atmospheres were totally different. I don't know, maybe I'm weird.
I got to first pee in a cup and then go give all my history to Jenny, the nurse. After giving all my vitals she took me back to the exam room. I got to stay fully clothed! WHAT A CONCEPT! lol. I am used to "waist down, please." Anyway, Dr. Singleton came in and just immediately put me at ease.
I was totally afraid that I would get to Cornerstone and just become another pregnant person in their patient files. That I wouldn't feel special, etc. How totally wrong I was!
Dr. S. immediately acknowledge my infertility woes and acknowledged the fear that comes along with it. We listened to the heartbeat and I cried. When he first put the wand on my belly he told me not to worry that it would take him a minute to find it and he found it really quick. I laid there and cried (I am crying now). He just patted my arm and said it sound really strong.
He also told me that normally pregnant women go in monthly but because of my history and (fear of losing the baby) that I can come in every two weeks to hear the heart beat to calm my fears. AND on top of that he said if I get scared or freaked out one day and I just need to see if all is OK, then I can just stop by and they would check for me. He said they didn't mind doing that at all. Dr. S said they can do that as long as I felt like I needed it because he understood my fears. I felt VERY special at that point.
So, I go back May 6th at 3:50 pm to hear the heart beat again. My next ultrasound will be to find out the sex of the baby...so around 18-20 weeks. SEVEN WEEKS AWAY! Bummer.
Anyway, thank you for the prayers, they have really gotten me through. I know I will have good days and bad days.
PS, There was an anonymous comment yesterday on my post that I wanted to address. If my previous post insinuated that IVF babies were loved more than regularly conceived babies then that was not my intent. I in NO way would say I would love my baby more than say someone who randomly got pregnant. That is false and totally not true. If I can be HALF as capable of loving my kid as much as my mom loves my brother and me? Then, I will be doing great. Using my mom as an example, I don't think she could love us more than she does. So, if I offended you, anonymous, I am sorry, but that wasn't part of my rantings of yesterday...I am not even to the birth stage yet!