Wednesday, February 03, 2010

Terrified...

For some reason I am just terrified. Today is my doctor's appointment to see how the cyst is doing. I need for it to be gone.

Some thoughts running through my head are:
  • If I could run far, far away, I would do it in a heartbeat.
  • If I could postpone this whole cycle, I would. (but, I am backed against the wall...timing...finances...everything)
  • Why do it because it isn't going to work.
Those are just a few. I feel more comfortable and peaceful when we aren't in the middle of treatment or in the waiting stages of finding out if the treatment worked. At least when we aren't "doing" anything I can be positive that it might work. Does that makes sense?

I am not mentally prepared. I haven't reached the pissed off stage again where I am mad that I have to go to all these lengths to get pregnant...I am sure it is coming though.

My appointment is at 9 am this morning. I hope to have an all clear. If not, and the cyst is still there, then we will have to aspirate it...don't really know when that will be...today, tomorrow?

If you read this will you pray that my nerves calm down and my body and my mind chills out? If all is well, then we start shots on Saturday.

1 comment:

Molly and Kevin Strom said...

I am praying for you sweet friend. Let me know how it goes!