Wouldn't it be nice to have a "time out" in life?
I have been really really blah today. I took off work because, honestly, I didn't want to crawl out of bed. When I woke up and realized I didn't want to go out into the real world, I lied to myself (I didn't realize it at the time) but I told myself that I would get up and scrub the house from top to bottom so we could get a realtor in so we could put the house on the market. I fell back to sleep and when I woke up the second time, I realized that I wasn't getting out of bed...and I didn't...and I haven't.
Today was a little bit of a time out. I got to take a mini time out from putting on a smile and going out into the real world...I got to take a mini time out to not have any responsibilities. But, it wasn't a REAL time out. I didn't get to take a time out from my brain...my worrying...my disappointment...my sadness...
I wish I could just blow the whistle and take a breather...like I am putting my life, a fictional book, down and going and doing something else, realizing my life/book is FICTION...that all the trouble, worry, sadness and heartache is just part of a fictional story!
Pity party, I know. It is just one of those days. I am disappointed that my IVF was pushed back. I am disappointed that I do not have a big, fat pregnant belly to lug around. I am disappointed that I don't feel life kicking me in the bladder/lungs/kidney or whatever other internal organ is in there. I am just disappointed.
I am becoming an expert in shutting myself down when I feel like my emotions are about to bungee jump, and today has been one of those days.