Thursday, January 14, 2010

Time Out!!!

Wouldn't it be nice to have a "time out" in life?

I have been really really blah today. I took off work because, honestly, I didn't want to crawl out of bed. When I woke up and realized I didn't want to go out into the real world, I lied to myself (I didn't realize it at the time) but I told myself that I would get up and scrub the house from top to bottom so we could get a realtor in so we could put the house on the market. I fell back to sleep and when I woke up the second time, I realized that I wasn't getting out of bed...and I didn't...and I haven't.

Today was a little bit of a time out. I got to take a mini time out from putting on a smile and going out into the real world...I got to take a mini time out to not have any responsibilities. But, it wasn't a REAL time out. I didn't get to take a time out from my brain...my worrying...my disappointment...my sadness...

I wish I could just blow the whistle and take a breather...like I am putting my life, a fictional book, down and going and doing something else, realizing my life/book is FICTION...that all the trouble, worry, sadness and heartache is just part of a fictional story!

Pity party, I know. It is just one of those days. I am disappointed that my IVF was pushed back. I am disappointed that I do not have a big, fat pregnant belly to lug around. I am disappointed that I don't feel life kicking me in the bladder/lungs/kidney or whatever other internal organ is in there. I am just disappointed.

I am becoming an expert in shutting myself down when I feel like my emotions are about to bungee jump, and today has been one of those days.

2 comments:

Anonymous said...

It's hard to go through this and it is like being on an emotional roller coaster so you deserve days to just lay around and not face the world. At one point during my IVF I wanted to be locked in a padded cell and just be left alone so don't feel bad! I know it's a long journey, but you are doing great! My fertility Dr. told me that going through this is so stressful that it's just like having cancer or losing a loved one and I agree with him. Just remember to hang on tight when that roller coaster is going too fast and you will be OK. You are a strong person!

Just Jiff said...

You have more than earned a day in bed. *HUGS*