Sunday, January 31, 2010

Miss America's Mom...

I watched the Miss America Pageant last night. I don't particularly like pageants; however, my best friend, Fawnda, and college roommate, Lisa, were in pageants. They were good too. They were in the Miss Arkansas pageant probably five or six times between the two. I was especially pleased when both were in the pageant at the same time...sorry...but the events, to me, were somewhat torturous.

My favorite pageant memory was when I brought along Jacob Burks to the pageant. For those of you who know Jacob, well, you'll get the humor from the following conversation.

We were sitting in the audience during the swimsuit competition. And, this was the convo...

Lisa: Man, I wish I had her legs.
Jacob: (drooling)...me too
Lisa: (elbowing him) NO, I wish I had her legs on ME!
Jacob: (drooling)...me too

That was so funny to me.

Anyway, I was watching the talent portion of the 2010 Miss America pageant last night and Miss Virginia (the new Miss America) was singing a song from "Dreamgirls" and, honestly, she did really good. The cameramen kept showing the parents of the girls during their performance. Well, Miss Virginia hit a great end note and really killed the performance and her momma stood up with her arms pumping in the air like OH YEA! OH YEA! Here she was in a really beautiful, elegant setting where "pumping your arms in the air" probably wasn't looked upon very highly. And, I started crying.

Leave it to me to have the infertility card played to me during the Miss America pageant! Ugh. My heart just ached at that moment just seeing the mom SO PROUD of her baby girl. My heart hit the bottom again because it realized that I may not be able to "feel" that moment. I may not have the moment to uncouthly pump my fist in the air not caring who sees me...just to cheer on and support and show how proud I am of my baby girl.

That's how infertility can sneak its way into every detail of your life.

Anyway, I am still doubling up on my birth control...my stupid body refuses to STOP BLEEDING! lol. I have two pills left so I will take one Monday and one Tuesday. My appointment at the clinic is Wednesday so hopefully the cyst will be gone and I won't have to take the pills any longer. If all is well, we will start shots on Saturday, February 6th.

1 comment:

cagrlasu said...

I totally understand how you are feeling. The infertility and pregnancy loss card seems to get played a lot no matter where you turn. We can't escape it :(

I believe you WILL get to experience the pumping of the arms moment because you are so proud of your child. Never let go of your dream. You will get there!