Tuesday, January 05, 2010

Melt down...

Being in the middle of an emotional melt down is probably not the best time to write a blog post. I am trying to calm myself down and writing helps.

Technically the day has been good. It was my first full day back since December 21. I was productive and everything! I sort of have my days and nights off balance and I haven't been sleeping well. I also didn't eat lunch today. So, hunger and lack of sleep probably contributed.

I left a message for the fertility clinic this morning and I waited all day before the insurance gal called back. She called right at 3:30 pm. I was giving her my new insurance information and, lo and behold, I grabbed our dental cards instead of medical...snap. She laughed and said I could call her tomorrow. No problem. She then started talking to me about the financial packages. And, that is when the bottom dropped out.

We have enough money to do the $9000 one again (one egg retrieval & fresh embryo transfer and up to two frozen transfers in a three month period...depending on if we have any frozen). Because we did the package last time, I got a $1000 credit towards this package. So, the amount of money that miraculously came through was $8000. So, $8000 plus the $1000 credit from the clinic would give us the $9000 package again. On board?

OK, so she proceeds to tell me that as of January 1, their rates have increased. For ONE try the amount was $10,000...ONE TRY! The package that was equivalent to the package we had last time was $13,000! THIRTEEN THOUSAND DOLLARS. This would be TOTAL out of pocket expenses! I was shocked and stunned and told her that I would have started the round in December if I had any idea the rates were hiked! I got off the phone and lost it. BAWLED and BAWLED and BAWLED.

I couldn't control my emotions. I went from excited to devastated to angry. I was mad that the prices changed and now there was no way we could afford the hike in rates...I was mad because we lost the baby last cycle and if we hadn't lost the baby we wouldn't even be in this mess...I was mad because I have to PAY to have a baby and there isn't a guarantee that I'll even have one! I bawled for a solid two hours.

For some reason at about 5:15 pm, the office manager of the clinic called me. She is in charge of all the packages. I was very nice and told her that I know that they do not send a newsletter that tells of price changes but for patients that pay out of pocket...well, it would have been nice to know. I started bawling on the phone...seriously, I haven't been able to control my emotions. I told her that I would have done the round in December if I would have known. Well, she is an angel. You're not going to believe this...but she told me she would do it for last year's price. I didn't even ask her to...She told me to stop crying because she would start crying. I couldn't even talk due to me sucking in breaths in little whimpers. I just kept thanking her and told her that she probably just gave us a baby with OK'ing that package. 'Cause otherwise we would have to rethink the whole second round.

I still bawled on the way home after I got off the phone with her. Matt was trying to make me laugh and make me feel better. I got a hold of mom and she was trying to calm me down. It has just been a mess.

I mean, I am not even on any souped up hormones! I NEVER acted or felt this way on any of my other hormones! I am just on birth control!

Anyway, so I got home and was trying to find our new insurance cards since I idiotically picked up our dental cards. Well, uh oh, melt down #2. Matt's name was not listed on the insured. It was just mine. I PANICKED. Did I leave his name off by accident? I got him dental but not medical? If his name was off the paperwork, then we couldn't add him now! Again, bawling. I emailed our HR lady and, thank the Lord, she was checking emails. I told her the situation and she checked my paperwork and Matt was listed. It was a type-o error at our new insurance place. So, another disaster averted.

I am sitting on the bed down trying to calm myself down. Everything worked out but I had worked myself up so bad I am trying to just breathe. Melt down...I haven't had one in a long time. I think my tears are almost dry...my eyes are so puffy and my nose looks like Rudolph. I need food and sleep. Matt went to get me Chick-fil-a so I will eat and go to bed.

I hate melt downs. Hate 'em, hate 'em, hate 'em.

8 comments:

Bobbie said...

You've had a wild day emotionally and you deserve a melt down. I'm glad it all worked out for you. Keep the faith, girl!

Marc and Charity said...

Crazy stuff girl! Enjoy your chick-fil-a...that sounds good. Oh wait, I can actually GO GET SOME! Yeehaw. Love you!

cagrlasu said...

OMG! Thank Goodness that lady is going to give you the 2009 prices! Someone is looking out for you up there! I totally understand the melt downs. Sending hugs your way!

shancrow said...

I love you, Lisa. I am praying for you, as you are praying for me. My meltdown is approaching...

Karen said...

Meltdowns are good . . even if they are for no reason at all. A good cry never hurt anyone!

Liz said...

sounds perfectly normal to me! I had a meltdown at work when I was told that my OB wouldn't induce early, even though it meant my hubby missing the birth of our first child because of the army. It worked out and he was there, thank God, but BOY was that a meltdown day! And it was only about 1/10 of what you're going through!

Mindee said...

You have more going on than the average bear, and most of the time you hadle yourself quite well. I think that a mental break down every now and again is much deserved. I am glad things are working out for yall. Get some rest.. not just sleep you need rest girl. Have a good rest of the week.

little sis:) said...

lisa i love you and miss you guys so much







love your little sis