Tuesday, November 17, 2009

Vegging....

I am vegging at the house today. Didn't feel like facing everyone today and trying to be productive.

I feel like I am lost in a big, deep canyon with no way out. I told Matt last night I wanted the baby bed out of the house. I took down ultrasound pictures from our first baby from the refrigerator last night, finally. I am trying so hard not to pitch a fit. While I know fit pitching will change nothing.

So, I am taking a day to process this more. I am so blessed to have such a great friends. I feel so loved and so surrounded in prayer it is ridiculous. I feel guilty because many of you are pulling for us like it was your own journey. I feel guilty for it not working.

However, God knows what He is doing. He sees the big picture and sees what I need. He sees what I specifically need.

2 comments:

Just Jiff said...

Nothing wrong with staying home and no need to feel guilty. Your feelings are just that -- YOURS.

I'm praying that your body kickstarts itself into getting pregnant on your own. If not, then a wonderful adoption comes available for you. Whatever happens, I pray that it fills your heart with love.

Anonymous said...

Hang onto the fact that you will be a parent. YOU WILL BE A PARENT. And the baby you are blessed with you will love more than you can ever imagine. The baby that you finally have will fill that empty canyon that are feeling right now and have it over flowing! I went down a short path of infertility, and I am not trying to take away from what you are feeling and faced with.
The feelings you have you should not be ashamed about, and you should not be ashamed to explore all options! I really like the thing the lady said about being pregnant for only 9 months but a parent for a life time. The title of your blog is... Babies, one way or another. It will happen, one way or another, it will happen. And everyone of us that have been here with you, checked the blog 15 times waiting on your post, cried with you, been mad with you, laughed with you... we arent dissapointed, we are heart broken with you right now, but we will all be geared up and ready for the next chapter whatever that may be. We will still be here with prayer, support, tears, laughter!! See we arent pulling for your situation, we are pulling for YOU! We know the outcome will be icing on the cake. Hang in there sweetie. Sending up BIG prayers that God shows you your path and lights it a way that you dont have to wonder or second guess yourself, you just know this is the way you are to go. We love you.