Monday, November 16, 2009

MOVE THAT BUS!!!!!!!!!!!

Yeah, that is what I thought of today...all day. I felt like I was waiting on someone to MOVE THAT BUS... and I didn't know what was behind the bus. I guess I was expecting a huge mansion/perfect life from Ty...but I got something different. Not that this house/journey of mine is is just different than what I expected.

The hand that I have been dealt isn't a bad hand...just one I wasn't expecting.

I am actually laughing a bit now. I think I have totally scared everyone into walking on egg shells around me when sending encouragement. Everyone is so guarded in their just made me laugh. Thank you all for praying and lifting me and Matt up. It is really a devastating time right now. I have never felt the feeling I am feeling now.

I got the call at 1:38 pm. It was Stephanie (the nurse that helped with my egg retrieval). I could tell it was bad news in her voice. Matt was here with me today (thank goodness). He immediately came in the bedroom and I started shaking my head "no" at him. I tried not to bawl on the phone with her. But, I am sure she gets to make these phone calls every day. She told me to get off all of medications and when I am ready to start again to call.

Well, I asked her what do you do with people who cannot afford IVF again...when IVF has been the only thing that has worked. She said we could do IUI (intrauterine insemination) again and change up the meds. She asked if I would like to just schedule an appointment with Dr. Batres and see what he suggests. We have an appointment December 4. I don't know if we will do IUI again. I think that is more stressful than IVF!!

We have some decisions to make. If Matt and I continue to just try on our own...then my endometriosis will start coming back. We are probably looking at more laparoscopies, etc. If Dr. B puts me on birth control to treat the endometriosis...well, that just defeats the whole purpose of trying on our own!

Matt and I will be weighing our options and trying to figure it all out.

I got me a big Route 44 Diet Coke...I ripped off my Estrogen patches...and took a long hot bath (I haven't been able to take a bath in my amazing Jacuzzi tub since June!!!!).

With God's help and direction, we will figure this out. We will figure out what we need to do.

Again, thank you so much for the support and prayer. I have felt each and every one of you rallying behind has lifted my spirits and helped me through this difficult season.


Paige said...

Hey girl! I'm posting this today but it refers mostly to the posting the other day by "C". I can't explain how true her final statement was. You know our history. You know Hunter was with us for only seven days but still I think about him often. I think about what he looks like, is he safe, is he loved and it hurts because for those seven days I was his mother. I will always think about him I will always love him. Now with Brax, it is much harder. We've had him for three months and find out next week what our future holds with him. It breaks my heart to think that my little boy I've raised, nurtured and loved could be gone and live with someone else. To know that the one voice he's gone to for comfort he may never hear. The only dadddy he's ever known may never hold him again. I know this is what I signed up for but like you said, I didn't sign up for this when I said I do.

I know you are a strong, amazing woman and that you will be a mother to many. The kids in your youth group, the neighbor kid down the street YOU ARE A MOTHER TO SO MANY. We just don't know it. I know that my God, YOUR God has an amazing little baby that is going to knock your socks off, rock your OCD world and cause so much love to come bursting from your heart that the things of the past will all melt away. Trust me on this one thing! I know the plans my God has for you. Plans to prosper you and NOT to harm you, to give you HOPE and a FUTURE!!!!!

Love you girl! If you ever need anything holler!

Karen said...

Man have I been where you are (especially the roller coaster with endometriosis and TTC). Please know that you will find joy again . . this will pass but it takes some time. All I can tell you is that one way or the other, you will be a mother and it changes your world (in a good way, but a different way). Enjoy your time with Matt and cherish every bit of "freedom" you have now. Before you know it . . you will be a mom and so glad you took advantage of the time you have now. Still praying for you and support you no matter what decision you make . . we (your blogger world)are with you every step of the way!