Friday, June 26, 2009

Random Thoughts and Prayer Requests

Prayers first:

1. Couple #1 (from an earlier blog). Continue in prayer for them! They are still in the middle of the cycle...with the clomid to help ovulate and then all of the extra hormones to assist in getting the body ready for conception...well, it takes its toll. Please pray for them!

2. Couple #2 (from an earlier blog). Please pray for them. The egg retrieval happened and they were able to get 7 eggs however none fertilized. I don't understand...but my ways are not God's ways and my thoughts are not God's thoughts so that verse in Isaiah keeps me halfway sane. Please pray for this couple. Hormones are so out of whack anyway and this is just a devastating blow. They need prayer.

3. Couple #3 (from an earlier blog). Praise report! This couple officially has their baby girl! They had the court session today for adoption. Praise God! Pray for this transition. Pray for wisdom and direction and that the house is saturated with God's peace!

2. Couple #4 (new couple). They are going through the beginning phases of testing right now. The tests are never a piece of cake. You are poked and stretched and they aren't the most comfortable tests. Pray for peace and GOOD results. They have been trying for two years.

So, onto the randomness. I can tell you, hormones are a crazy thing. And, it is real. I am nervous about my hormone roller coaster. My hormone levels have been suppressed for over six months and in exactly a week I will go from 0-60 in a matter of 2 seconds. I have warned people at work and I have warned Matt that I may be sweet one minute, crying the next and screaming in the next breath.

My mind is in overdrive...are we doing the right thing? Is Science the way to go? Is my faith THAT low that we have to try to manipulate God's plan with science? What if we do this scientific process and we have a child with special needs? What if this doesn't work? Literally speaking, right now, my eggs are all in one basket. I usually prepare for the worst and hope for the best. And, right now I am prepared for the best and that scares me that my rose colored glasses will get smashed with the "IVF didn't work" sledge hammer.

I don't think anyone is ready-ready to have kids. I have always thought that I would be a good parent but now I am like...whoa, I am really going to know if this is going to work in the next three months. I will KNOW if we can have kids. I NEVER pictured and it NEVER crossed my mind that I wouldn't have kids. The thought of my future without kids is unfathomable.

*Remember hormones again* then the flip side I am like...how can I be a good parent? Are Matt and I going to be OK with parenting? Will be able to provide for them? Emotional Stability? What about my job? I have a pretty demanding job...how will I juggle? Ugh...the list goes on.

I am going to have to stay in God's word and prayer this week like never before. Wednesday, July 1 is my first lab and ultrasound appointment and my "pharmacy" comes in that day too. Shots start next Saturday. This is really happening.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Yikes! I remember hormone roller coaster. I once cried inside subway because the "artist" put vinegar on my sandwich & I just wanted oil! My husband told me to wrap it up (the sandwich) and let's eat in the car! Have you ever eaten a subway sandwich in the car???
Here's another funny before the serious...I remember when I went in for my egg retreival...they had given me a shot so that it wouldn't be uncomfortable & I remember telling them that my ovaries looked like a pomegranite cut in 1/2!!! Whew, good times!
Anyway, I can tell by your blog that you have enough faith in God to know that His Will will be done regardless & that is something that kept me going. I struggled with the "science" part of it, the "what do we do when we're done?" part and I can honestly tell you I prayed one particular day & told God he knew me & knew I wouldn't be able to make that kind of decision so to please take it from me where I didn't have to. (Thank you again, God!) God's Will will be done!!! Knowing that and keeping your vrs in Isaiah in the front part of your brain is a good thing in my opinion! I'd say good luck, but you don't need it!!!

Christi :-)